Lesli's Journal

12:40am: life lately has been pretty good. i'm learning italian which is exciting because it is such a beautiful language! i am still trying to figure out what i am going to do as far as school goes.

10:27pm: i really love my boyfriend.

12:24am: Gators.

1:19pm: i can honestly say without hesitation: "i hate forsyth tech". and i havent even started yet.

12:22am: life is pretty amazing right now. i couldnt of asked for a better birthday present than anth showing up on my door step when he was suppose to be in philly at an eagles game. i love him more every day. we've been going out and doing things more and more. i'm glad he's home. i've made one new years resolution which i'm sure half of america made...to get in shape. but i really want to before i possibly go to the beach this summer, so i think now is the best time to start.

i start school the 10th...i'm not looking forward to it--but hey, at least its not salem!

10:21pm: i took my last exam today at 1:30. i am officially done with salem college. i am a little bummed that i will have to go back to fo tech for a semester, but i think it will be good to get all of my basic classes done and over with. we are getting our dog tomorrow!! i'm super excited because i will have someone to love when anthony goes to philadelphia. i'm also glad that i think i have my plans for my birthday set, i was afraid that with anthony being gone, that i wasn't going to do anything.

i visited tabor today. it was weird being back there!! i got my computer back today, so that makes me really happy!! life is pretty good right now, i cant wait till the new year though!

6:25pm: My heart hurts a lot lately and it sucks. Sometimes I wish I didn't care and I wish that I didn't take life so seriously. Maybe then I wouldn't get hurt?

9:35pm: I'm taking a break from reading this stupid book about witches for Western Civ. I feel like all I ever do anymore is study and work and study and work and occasionally I will sleep. I haven't been getting much of that lately; my sleep is always interrupeted by something or another.
I'm still not 100% sure of what I am going to do for next semester. I have half applied to Winston Salem State and UNCG. Right now I feel like just staying at Salem because it would be easier. I don't know what to do.
I don't know what I am going to do for my birthday. I think I may eat at Ryans with Big Matt and then go with everyone to Erin's after?? I'm not sure. I just hope that it doesn't suck. Last year I was sick and felt awful.
I have been doing a ton of thinking lately about my life and the future. I am really uncertain about aspects of my life and it's making me even more stressed out than I need to be.
I think I just need to breathe deeply often and realize that life isn't all that bad. It can always get worse and it can always get better.

9:15am: this weekend was amazing. i love my boyfriend so much. i've realized that i am extremely lucky for all that i have, and i have decided to make a few changes in my life, set a few new goals for my life.

4:33pm: if people do one thing this holiday season, it should be to volunteer. it is by far the best gift you can give not only others but yourself.

just a thought.

9:25am: two fire alarms in 2 days both before 11 o'clock. i hate salem!

11:50am: my goal is to stop whining so much. i realize i complain about a lot of things that aren't a big deal to anyone but myself. so from now on, i'm going to try to be more positive!

11:40am: 1 year. i love him.

11:34am: life is a lot better at Salem now that I have moved rooms. I don't have to live with someone who doesn't do their laundry, and dishes; someone who wakes me up at all hours of the night, and someone who wears more clothes to bed than she does throught the day.

audrey got me a fish for my new room :o) he needs a name.

i'm losing weight because the food here sucks so bad lately.

the end.

9:08am: it seems like my life is so topsy turvey right now.

i have good days and bad days here.

today is a bad day and i really just want to cry. i feel like no one really understands. i know that this really isn't that bad and my life isn't really horrible. but today it just feels bad.

on a happier note: i love my boyfriend. and i love my big sis. audrey is great and i'm so glad that i met her!

10:27pm: this weekend was much needed. i really really really love my boyfriend.

i am really glad that football season has started. beyond happy actually.

the rain tonight looked like snow, and it was really pretty.

did i mention i really love my boyfriend?

4:33pm: First day of classes went relatively well. I had to drop yoga, but I am glad that I got to do it for one day. I got to hang out with Kristen, which was much overdue. Now to work.

11:37pm: new goal: don't be so damn selfish.

10:21am: ( avoiding packing )

7:28pm: i have the most amazing boyfriend in the world.

12:36pm: i'm anxious about school. excited, but anxious. i'm doing one of the hardest programs and basically having a double major. i'm nervous to say the least. i'm starting to hang out with lindsay more, and i'm glad. i went through a mini emotional breakdown, but everythings been worked out. thankfully. it sucked, but i realized some things to better my life. i would really like to meet up with old friends sometime in the coming months.

hopefully everything will work out.

10:37pm: i've made a lot of mistakes in my life, as i'm sure most people have. however, i feel like i am just hit the lottery on big mistakes. lately i feel that no matter what i do to try and make things better, i always end up fucking things up worse than ever. i piss people off, and i do things that to me make perfect sense, but to others they seem out of line, or just plain crazy (and not the good crazy). i honestly do things to try and make situations better, not worse. sometimes, often times, i wish people could just read my thoughts so they could see where i am coming from. sometimes, lately, i've wished there were a rewind button on life. i just want everything to be alright, i want someone to assure me that my efforts to try and make things worse are being appreciated.

as much as i love my boyfriend, i really miss friends. i feel that when things go awry i am alone and i have no one to talk to. this is my fault mostly.

i don't know what the deal is but i just keep thinking lately that something bad is going to happen to me, and the people i love either aren't going to care, or are going to be like "well damn that sucks". it's the weirdest thing i know, but i just can't get over it. i see something on t.v. and i think that the next day that same thing could happen to me. it has made me think that if i die tomorrow, will i be alright with where i am in my life?

all of these things have just helped me realize that life and love are both uphill battles. a battle that is definitely not easy, but definitely worth the fight.

3:09pm: ( bored )

12:43pm: i dropped my math class. i'm really glad i did because i suck at math and it is hard enough for me to understand it in a whole semester but when you cut that in half..it's close to impossible.

i'm glad it quit raining..although now it's about 90 degrees outside. HOT!

i'm excited because i have pretty much everything done for my salem application. but the personal statement is kicking my butt!!

2:40pm: i had a really good weekend.

i got to meet anth's friend/coworker james and his two kids who are so cute!! it was nice to get to meet him because anth talks about him all the time and they're pretty good friends.

i am anxious about salem.